


We're Just Here

by Animercom



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Among Us, COVID, Comedy, Fluff, Gen, Grave visiting, Iruma Miu Being Iruma Miu, Iruma Miu's Dirty Mouth, Killing Game Executions (Dangan Ronpa), Nighttime, Pre-Game Personalities (New Dangan Ronpa V3), Quarantine, Singing, Tags Updated Every Chapter, Youtuber AU, magic show, minor self-harm, online games
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:06:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 10,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23367421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Animercom/pseuds/Animercom
Summary: An assorted drabble collection featuring different V3 ships and friendships set in an UTDP universe.Ch 1 Kaede & KokichiCh 2 Kirumi/RyomaCh 3 Angie/KiyoCh 4 Pregame KokichiCh 5 Kokichi & MiuCh 6 Most of the cast, playing Among UsCh 7 Kokichi ExecutionCh 8 Miu & Kokichi & HimikoCh 9 Hiyoko & Taka & Kirumi - Fed up with Hiyoko's bullying, Taka requests Kirumi to teach Hiyoko how to be a lady
Relationships: Akamatsu Kaede & Oma Kokichi, Hoshi Ryoma/Tojo Kirumi, Iruma Miu & Oma Kokichi, Iruma Miu & Oma Kokichi & Yumeno Himiko, Iruma Miu & Yumeno Himiko, Ishimaru Kiyotaka & Tojo Kirumi, Oma Kokichi & Yumeno Himiko, Saionji Hiyoko & Ishimaru Kiyotaka, Saionji Hiyoko & Ishimaru Kiyotaka & Tojo Kirumi, Saionji Hiyoko & Tojo Kirumi, Shinguji Korekiyo/Yonaga Angie
Comments: 52
Kudos: 190
Collections: Kokichi Ouma Month, celi adores these fanfics





	1. Classical Ties (Kaede & Kokichi)

**Author's Note:**

> I'm a part of a server that has a bootcamp activity in which we write/draw something for 60 mins according to a prompt. If I write something for V3 and it wouldn't stand alone well as a fic of its own, I'll be posting it here. I just don't want 1324 fics to my name for writing something new every week. Relationship and additional tags will be updated with every new chapter. 
> 
> This week's prompt was Melody.

Sighing, Kaede closed the door to her research lab. _Another day of practicing Liszt’s_ La Campanella _…_ She shook her head. Smacked her cheeks. _No, I got this! Just work on one movement, one measure at a time! You’ll be playing it perfectly in no time._

Tossing her backpack aside, Kaede approached the grand piano. The instrument sat in the center atop a circular dias. CD racks covered the one wall, the other had two windows framed with purple curtains. Kaede stepped around the scattered papers and music stands to reach the piano. She glanced up. Noted new marks on the board. “Huh?”

Someone had drawn a string of notes on a staff on the chalkboard. Kaede frowned. “Who did…?” Humming, she held her chin. “I don’t recognize that melody.” Brow raised, she sat on the bench and played the corresponding keys. Still unrecognizable. Biting her lip, Kaede glanced back at the board. “No chords, sharps or flats, or even measure marks. It doesn’t specify treble or bass clef either…”

Realization struck her like lightning. _Maybe it’s a message for me from Shuichi!_ Kaede played it again, naming the notes aloud. “C-A-B-B-A-G-E-F-A-C-E.”

Kaede blinked.

“ _Kokichi!_ ”

“Nee-heehee… Ahahaha!”

Kaede marched over to the cabinet by the window. Threw open the door. Kokichi waved. “Wooow, Kayayday. Took you a whole three minutes to figure that one out. Gotta be quicker on the uptake when you’re dating a detective.”

“What are you doing here?”

Kokichi sniffed. “Why, I’m here for our weekly karaoke sessions.”

Groaning, Kaede brought a hand to her face. _Of course. So much for practicing_ La Campanella _now. He won’t leave until I play for him._ “And just what music genre are you going to make me try today? Something techno? Death metal?”

Kokichi hopped out of the dresser. “I was thinking a love ballad from a musical. You know, since you love me so much. Or screamo, your pick.”

“How about neither.”

Kokichi blew out his cheeks, bangs billowing. “Fine, fine! We can default to American rock or pop. No one around here knows English songs and I’m getting bored of crashing everyone’s karaoke nights and they’re only playing Japanese hits.” Grinning, Kokichi pressed a high note on the piano twice in time with his words. “Chop, chop, Kaede!”

Kaede bit back a scowl. _Now it’s going to take even longer to master Liszt…_ Tossing her hair, Kaede smiled. “Sure! Coming, coming.”

* * *

Pen acting as a mic, Kokichi sang to an invisible audience. Eyes closed and hand outstretched, Kokichi sang.

> “Now the day bleeds into nightfall
> 
> And you’re not here to get me through it all.
> 
> I let my guard down and then you pulled the rug.
> 
> I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved.”

His deep, silky voice trembled with emotion as he held out the last line. Eyes closed, Kaede pressed the piano pedals into time with nodding her head. Her fingers danced over the last few chords. The notes lingered in the air. _Ahh…_

Kaede opened her eyes. Met Kokichi’s gaze. They smiled.

Kaede laughed. “What happened to the love ballad? That song was sad.”

“Yeah, but it was still a love song.” Kokichi plopped down on the bench besides her, sitting backwards. He swung his legs. “I was surprised you knew it; it’s not like it’s some great American classic, you know?”

Looking away, Kaede tucked a strand behind her ear. “Oh, you know. I don’t know all the English words, but the song is pretty so…” She cleared her throat. “Anyway! That’s enough for today. I gotta practice Liszt now–”

“Oh? Do you?” he purred. Kokichi cocked his head to the side, like a marionette with its strings cut. “I thought your dream was to compose music for video games and movies. So why do you insist on practicing classical music?”

“I… It’s just…”

“When are you going to make the jump?”

“Well…” Kaede shrugged. The wind batted a tree branch against the window. “It’s not that easy, Kokichi. When you’re a concert pianist, you don’t have much time for anything else. You got to practice technical pieces for hours every day, memorize it, and play it flawlessly in contests. The judges are very… traditional in both tastes and views. Composing video game and movie music would be a disgrace to them. Shameful. So if I switched over, there’d be no going back. And it’s difficult to be recognized in the media world too.”

Chuckling, Kaede turned and smiled to Kokichi. “But it’s all right. Composing game music would be more of a hobby anyway. Classical music is my passion! I love playing Bach and Mozart and Chop–”

Kokichi’s eyes flashed. “Stop lying to yourself.”

Kaede balled her fists. “What do you know? You don’t know anything about music. What makes you say I’m lying?”

“Then why did you look so sad when you came in here today? Why did you smile so much when we sang that pop song?”

Kaede froze. Deflating like a balloon, Kaede hung her head. “I…”

Eyes narrowed, Kokichi leaned in. “The way I see it, you got two options. Play the music of dead old guys for stuffy, pompous farts, music that’s been played by millions of people already. Or you can compose something new, something _you_ , for a larger project like a game or movie that will outlast you. Which is more fun? Which do you want?”

Lips parted, Kaede started. _Is… is that why Kokichi has been coming so often, making me play so many music genres? He’s getting me to explore my options…_

Kaede bit her lip. Wiggled her fingers over the keys, as feeling some pins and needles.

“Hey. Wanna play another song?”

Kokichi grinned. “Thought you’d never ask.”


	2. Your Smile (Kirumi/Ryoma)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This week's prompt was Flowers. Always wanted to write for this awesome, overlooked ship!

Flowers in hand, Ryoma walked through the rows of graves. A metal fence enclosed the graveyard. Beyond the fence lay a grassy field and the nearby temple’s picnic area. Not another soul was around. Not another living soul.

Dirt path crunching underfoot, Ryoma headed deeper into the graveyard. Towards a weeping willow tucked in the back corner. Ryoma pushed the tree’s branches aside. Like a privacy partition, the tree’s hanging leaves shielded a grave from onlookers.

Ryoma gazed at the grave. Dirt encased the upright slab. Poking through the leaves, spotty sunlight speckled the grave.

Ryoma inhaled deeply. Breathed in the smell of dirt and earth. He hunched over to place the bouquet down. “It’s good to see you again, my fiancée–” He froze.

Someone else had already placed flowers down.

 _Who?_ wondered Ryoma. _Everyone else in my family is dead. And after the incident, her family moved to another country. So who–?_

A twig snapped.

Striking like lightning, Ryoma darted behind the tree. Seized the trespasser’s wrist. “Mind explaining yourself?”

“M-my apologies, Ryoma.”

The tennis player’s eyes widened. “Kirumi?”

Kirumi bent her knees in a slight curtsy. “I did not intend for you to notice my presence. When I heard you coming, I ducked behind the tree. I was about to make my exit; leave you two in peace.”

Releasing her wrist, Ryoma stepped back. Glanced at the flowers on the grave. “You mean you’re the one bringing the flowers every week?” Kirumi lowered her gaze. Nodded. “But why?”

Kirumi stepped up before the grave. “Forgive me if I overstepped any boundaries. I can leave if you so wish. If it’s any consolation, I have asked for your fiancée’s permission to visit her as well.”

Ryoma came to stand besides Kirumi. “Why would a stranger matter to you?”

“If it is you asking, I will answer. But how to put it into words…?” Kirumi closed her eyes. Ryoma gazed up at her. Her hair billowing in the wind. Long lashes resting against porcelain skin. The elegant, almost dainty upturn of her nose. Ryoma cleared his throat and looked away, chest tight.

“You…” Kirumi’s soft, melodic voice began. “I have been watching you. You are treasured by our classmates but keep everyone at a distance. I wanted to bridge that gap. To understand more about you.”

Ryoma stilled. _The last person to say that to me was…_

“A part of my duty as a maid is to support my classmates.”

 _Of course._ Ryoma balled his fists. _I should have known._ He frowned. _But why was I hoping for anything more…?_

Hand to her mouth, Kirumi whispered. “But I must admit, my desire to learn more about you runs deeper than my maidly duty. I, the Kirumi Tojo who isn’t a maid, wanted to know as well. When you’re drifting off in class and are smiling which you do so rarely, I know it is her you are thinking about. I wanted to know what kind of person would the aloof Ryoma love.”

Lips parted, Ryoma gaped at Kirumi. Despite being in the shade, Ryoma thought he saw a hint of pink dusting her cheeks. “I was curious. Maybe envious. So I visit her grave to ask how I could make you smile so.”

Ryoma stared at her. Kirumi continued to gaze at the grave, not making eye contact. The wind rustled the leaves. The cool air set goosebumps on Ryoma’s arms. Grass blades danced in the air.

Ryoma hung his head. “Hmph. I see. Well, you gonna ask about what I talk to her about?”

“No. I wouldn’t breach your privacy more than I already have. But if you wish, you can tell me.”

“Just now I…” He swallowed. Tears stinging his eyes, Ryoma broadly smiled up at Kirumi. “I asked her how I could make you smile like you just made me do.”

Eyes crinkling, Kirumi exhaled a laugh. They held hands, intertwining their fingers together. Squeezed.

The wind ruffled the tree’s leaves. The sun seeped through, illuminating them and the grave.


	3. Beauty (Angie/Kiyo)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This week's prompt is owls.

Underbrush crunching, Kiyo traveled deeper into the forest. Moonlight illumined the deer path he followed. Crickets chirruped. An owl hooted. Even through his mask Kiyo could smell the earth. Kiyo ducked beneath a branch. Clutched a journal he carried tighter. _The Hope’s Peak campfire site should be just up ahead. There I have an unobstructed view of the moon…_

A female voice began singing.

Kiyo froze. Listened. The singing turned to humming. _It’s coming from ahead._ “Well, well…” Kiyo stepped forward. Pushed aside some bushes. He raised his voice. “Who is up wandering alone so late at night?”

A small clearing lay before him. Moss covered logs encircled the remains of a campfire. Tiny white flowers dotted the grass. A few boulders lay off to the side. Standing next to the campfire was Angie, painting on an easel. On a nearby boulder, the artist had set a lantern to see.

Blinking, Angie turned around. “Ah, Kiyo! How divine it is to see you!” Beaming, Angie waved overhead.

Frowning, Kiyo entered the clearing. “What reason do you have for working out here? Surely your research lab would be more comfortable and convenient, would it not?”

Angie clapped her hands. “Nothing beats being one with Mother Nature!” She gestured to her painting. An inky blackness spilled across the white canvas, like a dark river. Purple, pink, and blue specks dotted it like stars. “I wanted to capture the beauty of the night sky as Atua sees it. And no one would disturb me here.” Angie squished her cheeks with her hands. “At least that’s what I thought. Why are you walking alone at night? Is there something wrong? Confess it all to Atua’s vessel!”

Kiyo shook his head. “Nothing of the sort. I merely wanted to be alone.”

“Alone?” She tilted sideways, peering up at Kiyo’s face. “Why, why? There aren’t any humans to observe out here. Unleeess, you wanted to partake in the beauty of the earth as well!”

Kiyo gazed up at the sky. “Have you ever depicted a person before?”

Angie blinked. “Sure, sure I have. However, most of them are abstract pieces. Like Picasso!”

“Why is that the case?”

Humming, Angie pressed the paintbrush’s end to her lips. “Because only so much of a person’s inner spirit is, like, shown through their outward features, you know? Unlike nature. At one glance, anyone can see the beauty of a flower or a waterfall! I would like to one day paint the harmony between people and nature. Show the world through my paintings that people should preserve and respect nature. But the depth a person’s soul is hard to capture.”

Kiyo dipped his hat. “I see. A fair answer.”

Angie laid a hand on the painting. “Even now I had wanted to include people in the piece, but I haven’t yet.” Wheeling around, Angie pointed to him. “But I bet you know!” Kiyo opened his mouth to protest, but she pressed a finger to his lips. “You totally could! You’re the ultimate anthropologist. You travel across the globe meeting new cultures all the time. If you can’t share that knowledge you’ve gained with the world, then what good are your travels? Do you take notes? Want to write a textbook? Be a folklorist? Tell me all about it!”

“I…” Kiyo tightened his grip on his notebook.

“Yoink!” Angie snatched up the book. She flipped through the yellowed pages. “Hm, hm, hm! What have we here?”

“How dare you take something from me. Return it at once–”

“Ah! Poetry! A haiku. _Minding the millstone, the mother feeds her children, neglecting herself._ Ah, so you write poetry about the cultures you visit? How divine!” Grinding his teeth, Kiyo pulled down his hat. Angie ran a finger down the page, reading. “Ah, how sad! The mother dies of starvation, leaving her children to fend for themselves.”

“Yes, many people in India are starving and live in slums. Human suffering and poverty is a beauty even of itself.”

Beaming, Angie held up the book. “So if you publish your poetry, you’ll be able to share that beauty with the world! Just like why I wanna paint people and nature in harmony!”

Kiyo opened his mouth. Closed it. “I… I suppose could publish them. Yes. They were merely another way of expressing my observations of cultures. However my own skill with writing needs more refinement before even considering publishing.”

Angie clapped her hands. “Then it’s settled!”

“What is?”

“After graduation, we should travel the world together, you teaching me more about humanity so I can paint them in harmony with nature!”

“W-what?! That is simply preposterous. I never agreed to such a thing. And I see no benefit for myself.”

Angie pressed herself to Kiyo, hand on his chest. She grinned shyly up at him. “Being in my presence is a gift enough.”

Kiyo’s face warmed. Clearing his throat, Kiyo stepped back. “I must admit, I would appreciate the opportunity to learn more about you and your island’s culture, but I do not see the need for us to travel together.”

Angie hugged herself. “Don’t you see? Us meeting here tonight was Atua’s will. By journeying together and me improving my art to even greater divine beauty, you may yet find better words to describe humanity and nature. After all that’s why you came out here, right? To start writing about the nature’s beauty? There’s no one else around. You help me with painting people, I help you write about nature.”

Kiyo glanced up at the full moon. The object of worship for many traditional cultures – the object Kiyo wanted to study and write about tonight. Kiyo exhaled. “Indeed. Perhaps I you can accompany on my next school trip. I will see how it goes.”

“Yaaaaay!” Angie jumped up. Pecked Kiyo’s cheek. “It’s a promise.”

Face aflame, Kiyo staggered back. “You–!”

Grinning, Angie wagged a finger. “And you can’t go back on promises made to me. Else Atua will curse you for ten generations.” She spun around, making her yellow smock twirl. “Now to go back to painting. May Atua bless your poetry!”

Kiyo touched his cheek. _Why did she kiss me…? Angie usually engages in flirtatious behavior to many men, but never kiss them. Does she perhaps…?_ Sighing, Kiyo sat down on a log. _Wonderful. Now I will not be able to concentrate on my next journey._

Kiyo glanced up at the painting. Angie was adding a yellow and then a green form beneath the dark river – herself and Kiyo. Holding hands, they gazed up at the river of stars.

Shaking his head, Kiyo smiled. _What exactly have I gotten myself into…?_


	4. Roll of the DICE (Pregame Kokichi)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for Kokichi Ouma month event free day prompt. Instead of following this week's prompt I decided to write for the Kokichi month event on tumblr (https://oumaevents.tumblr.com/). 
> 
> I wanted to take a different approach to the pregame Kokichi concept. Enjoy!

Elbow on his desk, Kokichi rested his cheek on his palm. Stared out the classroom window.

A teacher stood in the front of a classroom. Dust caked the cubbies in the back of the room. More gum wads than books were in the half bookshelf along the wall. A yellowed, curling poster read, “Chase your dreams!” Underfoot the tile had cracked.

Head down, the teacher droned on, “I know this is only your second year in middle school, but in two years you’ll be in high school. You should start thinking about what kind of job you want when you’re older…”

Frowning, Kokichi glanced down at his career sheet. In the three boxes he wrote “Pickpocket, Liar, and Troublemaker”. He gazed out at classroom. _What’s everyone else doing?_

Students slouched in their seats. Doodled stick figures on their graffitied desks. Another one spitballed gum onto the kid in front of him.

A student in the neighboring seat tapped the kid’s shoulder in front of him. “Hey, I’m going to be a doctor. What about you?”

“I’m not sure. I was thinking about being a firefighter. Saving people and being cool at the same time!”

In his other hand, Kokichi rolled a pair of dice in his palm. _Should I change myself? Try to be something more normal? Be a good kid? Odds, I try to change. Evens and I don’t._

Kokichi rolled the dice.

* * *

Grocery bag in hand, Kokichi headed out the school doors. He glanced around the back yard. Rusty shed off to the left. A bare sakura tree to the right. A garden of weeds along the school wall. But no one was around.

Kokichi hoisted himself onto a low, thick branch of the sakura tree. Exhaling, he leaned against the trunk. The boy undid the grocery bag’s knot – his makeshift lunchbox – to find a turkey sandwich. Kokichi bit into the bread. Brushed away the crumbs off his black button up uniform. Chewing, he gazed out at the forest behind the school. _Another few hours until school’s over. Then doing homework. Playing video games. Sleep. Then school again. For the rest of my life. Or at least until I get a job. Then it’s the same thing over again instead I don’t get winter or summer breaks anymore._ Frowning, Kokichi lowered his sandwich. The taste had turned sour.

“Stop please!”

“We’ll stop once you start squealing!”

Kokichi stilled. He leaned towards the left, peering out of the tree. A pack of students from his class had surrounded a first year behind the shed. They pushed him into a mud puddle. “Now oink like a pig in mud!” The pack laughed like hyenas.

Kokichi pulled out his dice from a pocket. _Odds, I don’t step in. Evens and I do._

A four and a two – evens.

Kokichi sighed heavily. _Fine, fine. But I’m not gonna get anything out of this._

Kokichi silently dropped to the ground like a trained operative. Head bowed, shoulders hunched, and hands in his pockets, Kokichi walked towards the gang.

“Quit blubbering like a baby and squeal already!”

“Hey, I know! Roll in the mud and play dead!

“Yeah, do some tricks!”

In passing Kokichi snatched the wallet from the back pocket of the biggest student. Kokichi stuffed the money in his pocket. Tossed the empty wallet to the ground.

A tall, rail-thin goon stepped back. Had his foot slip on the wallet. “Huh? What’s this? Hey, Garou! Your wallet is on the ground and it’s empty!”

The quarterback-sized leader whirled onto his pack. Red faced, he breathed heavily like a bull. “Who stole it?!” Everyone shook their heads.

The lanky student pointed behind Garou. “Look, there’s some kid!”

Kokichi smirked. _On second thought, this’ll be fun._

Garou charged forward. Seized Kokichi’s shoulder and spun him around. “Hey kid! What the hell are you doing? Did you steal my wallet?”

Flinching, Kokichi shrank back. Tears welled up in his wide eyes. “W-what? No! I would never! I-I was just eating lunch outside because I wanna be alone.”

A long, dark-haired boy crossed his arms. “I’ve seen ‘im ‘round before. He’s in my class. Ko-something-or-other. He’s harmless.”

A few others nodded. One muttered, “Yeah he’s just a small fry.”

The first year lying in the mud locked eyes with Kokichi. His wide-eyed, pale face screamed, _What are you doing?!_

Kokichi raised his arms as if warding a blow. “I-I haven’t done anything. So please. Let me go…!”

Growling, Garou lifted Kokichi by the collar. “The hell you didn’t! None of my boys would stab me in the back like that! You’re just a trailer park sewer rat who… doesn’t know his place… The hell…?”

Kokichi’s grin stretched unnaturally across his face. He sucked in a deep breath. Screamed, “Somebody help!!!”

Everyone froze. The bullies exchanged wide-eyed glances.

A teacher burst open the school doors. “What’s going on here?”

Garou dropped Kokichi. Pointed at him. “T-this kid here stole my wallet! He took all my money!”

Holding his arm, Kokichi stood up. He sniffed. “T-that’s not true. I was just minding my own business when they pushed me to the ground and hurt me. Look.”

Kokichi held up his hand. Two fingers dangled limp, bruised and broken. 

Garou’s jaw dropped. Sweat slid down his face. Voice shook. “I swear, I swear to God I didn’t do that.”

The teacher balled his fists. His voice snapped like a whip. “That’s enough, Garou. You’re not getting away with this, not this time. You’ve gone too far.”

“I didn’t do it! That wasn’t me! That wasn’t there a second ago. I didn’t lay a hand on him!”

“Kokichi, go to the nurse’s office. The rest of you to the principal’s office. _Now_.”

“It wasn’t me! It wasn’t me!!” The teacher seized Garou’s upper arm and hauled him towards the school. Head bowed, the others followed. They glanced at Kokichi in passing, whispering to each other.

The first year stood up, mud sloughing off of him. He approached Kokichi. “Hey, are you all right? How did you do that?”

Kokichi gazed down his hand. In the moment the bullies had turned away when the teacher entered, Kokichi broke his own fingers. Brow raised, Kokichi tried moving his fingers. _Doesn’t hurt any more than usual. They’ll heal up in a few weeks._

“Uh, hello? You okay? Hello?” Kokichi didn’t answer. “W-well, my name is Pao. Thank you for saving me.”

Kokichi shrugged. _It just did it because that was what I rolled._

“Anyone else brave enough to try and stop them would have gotten beaten up too. But you pickpocketed Garou and was smart enough to know how to get him in trouble. Huge trouble! I bet he’s gonna be suspended. They won’t bother anyone else anymore. It’s like you’re a superhero or something!” Embarrassed, Pao lowered his head. “So, uh, thanks again.” He ran off.

Brow raised, Kokichi watched him leave. Kokichi gazed down at the dice in his hand.

* * *

The teacher paced the rows of students’ desks, collecting their career sheets. Kokichi glanced down at his. Pickpocket, Liar, Troublemaker.

An excited buzz filled the air.

“What did you put down?”

“I said being a cop! Arrest bad guys!”

_A cop wouldn’t break his own fingers, get people in trouble for something they didn’t do. They have to obey the rules._

“I want to be a ninja. Or a spy!”

_Spies work for money, don’t they? They don’t do what they want._

Cheek to his palm, Kokichi gazed out the window. _I don’t think there’s a normal job out there for me. I have to create my own. Create my own rules and lead people who’ll help me achieve what I want._ Kokichi gripped his dice. _Odds, I create my own group. Evens and I don’t._

Kokichi rolled the dice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like to imagine a pregame Kokichi that would use a crying, meek personality as a facade to let him pickpocket you blind. No matter what personality or AU Kokichi is in, he's always got way more going on inside than what he shows on a superficial level. Thanks for reading!!


	5. Miu and Kokichi Publicly Apologize?!?! (Not Clickbait!!!) (Kokichi & Miu)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is based on a conversation I had with my friend Milkbonez, so some of the ideas are hers. Features Miu being Miu FYI.

A blurry, up-close face filled a laptop screen. Kokichi asked, “Is this thing recording?”

Miu’s voice asked, “Do all men wanna feel up my tits?”

Kokichi muttered, “O-kay, this is how it’s gonna start. Lovely.”

He leaned back. The screen showed Kokichi and Miu sitting at an operating table in her research lab. A circular saw and laser producing machine hung over them. Behind them, the red velour curtains covering the walls were reminiscent of a love hotel room. Closing his eyes, Kokichi exhaled. Like a news anchor, Kokichi solemnly folded his hands. Stared at the camera with red-rimmed eyes. “We are gathered here today to discuss the events leading up to this apology video. I am deeply, deeply sorry for my actions. I had a serious lapse in judgment and did something I never should have–”

Scowling, Miu tossed her hair back. “Something ‘bout Kokichi sucking on orange balls–”

“Eating. Oranges. The _fruit_ , Miu.” Kokichi glared sidelong. “Here’s the original video that I posted which started all this. Viewer discretion is advised. The contents are graphic and please never, ever do this at home.”

The video showed a tiktok. Miu peeled herself an orange. Tossed the peel behind her.

Kokichi caught it. “Real men eat oranges peel and all!” He threw the peel into his mouth. Swallowed.

Miu spun her chair around, mouth agape. “The fu–?!”

The camera panned down through the video’s comments, showing everyone’s disgust. Kokichi’s voice narrated, “Within hours of posting the video, it got much deserved hate and bashing. On YouTube, it has a like/dislike ratio of 1503 likes and 130,947 dislikes.”

Miu snickered, “Heh, ‘everyone disliked that.’”

The video cut back to the lab. Kokichi wiped a tear from his eye. “The video went viral. Everything just spiraled out of my control…”

Next to Kokichi, Miu started pushing up her chest. Waggled her eyebrows at the camera.

Kokichi held his face in his hands. “To my eternal shame and regret, eating orange peels became the internet’s next cinnamon challenge. Both people eating orange peels and those watching them felt sick.”

Grinning, Miu started pulling apart her v-neck collar, flashing her chest.

Tears in his eyes, Kokichi pressed a hand to his heart. “And _I_ feel sick knowing that my channel has harmed others. I know I lead an evil organization, but our misdeeds do not compare to–” Kokichi slammed his hands on the table and roared, “Miu, stop feeling up your tits!”

Flinching, Miu cowered back. “Heeeee! B-b-but you told me I was gonna be eye candy for your video…”

“I don’t need a third strike against my channel! I finally passed KawaiiCatMemez48 in subs. I can’t stop now!”

Huffing, Miu tossed her hair. “All right, fine. Since Kokichi’s being a prude, go subscribe to my OnlyFans account and a random fucker will get a free body pillow of me. Here’s a sneak peek for all you pent up viewers–”

“Aaaaahh!! Cut to an ad!”

The screen fizzed like the static of an old TV. The video showed Kokichi waist up, standing before a mountain range background – an extremely obvious green screen. Kokichi held out a Panta. “Unleash your inner potential. Drink Panta today. Buy me a Ko-fi – I mean a Panta with the link in the description below.” Kokichi took a swig.

“Wuss!” Miu called off-screen. “Chug the whole thing!”

“But it’ll burn!”

“Do it, you pussy! Chug it, chug it, chug it…!”

Eyes narrowed, Kokichi exhaled. “All right, fine.” After shaking out his arms, Kokichi leaned back and downed the bottle. Miu whooped. Grimacing, Kokichi straightened. Burped. “Ulp. Hrrrngh!” Kokichi threw up purple juice out of his mouth and nose.

Miu clapped loudly. “Was it too hard to swallow, shota? Hyah-hahahahaha!”

The video fizzed again. Returned to the lab. Face twisting, Kokichi held a hand over his mouth, as if about to be sick. “My channel’s influence on the world at large was feared. I was ordered from on high to shut down my channel… And I just, I just…” Wailing, Kokichi burst into tears. “Waaaaaahhhh! I can’t bear the thought of losing my beloved viewers! You guys mean so much to me…” Hiccupping, Kokichi wiped his eyes. “I triple dog dare, no crossies, promise to be better in the future. To make content that I can be proud of. So if you can find it in your heart to forgive–”

Miu picked her ear. Examined the wax on her finger. “You know no one believes those fake tears, right?”

Fists balled, Kokichi launched to his feet. “For the last time, shut your flapping lips! This is a _serious_ apology video. Apology videos are popular again and I wanna hit trending!”

Miu snorted. “Keh! Everyone knows you’re lying out of your bloody asshole.”

“Bloody? I’m not a woman and you’re not British!”

“If I ain’t flashing some skin, then why the fuck am I here?”

“Because you’re in the original TikTok video, you imbecile.”

Miu stilled. “Huh? That’s it?”

“Duh.”

Miu and Kokichi stared at each other. A machine in the background sparked. Pipes groaned.

Snarling, Miu picked up her chair, about to throw it. “YOU FUCKIN’ SHOTA, WASTING MY GODDAMN TIME–”

The screen fizzed again before showing Miu’s logo of a wrench and gear. Pictures of inventions on her website scrolled down onscreen. Miu’s voice said, “This video is sponsored by Ingenious Iruma Inventions. Want to spice up your party for an unforgettable night? Get my Getting’ Nude Gun, an upgrade of the Goin’ Commando gun! And for a limited time only there’s a discount on the Hookup Counter if you use the code IRUMA69 at checkout.”

Words passed the screen at a speed too fast for the eye to follow.

“SideeffectsofusingtheHookupCounterincludetherevelationthatyouareabetavirginwithnoassests,worshipofMiuIruma,andfeelingtheintenseandimmeidateneedtosurrendertoherallyourmoney,assests,andveryidentity.”

Back at the lab, Kokichi, tears completely gone, waved to the viewers. Behind him, Miu was noisily scrounging through a box of her inventions. “Anyways, a big thank you to Principal Jinny for encouraging us to do this assignment – I mean, make this video. It was a lot of fun and after this I’ll be emailing you my thousand-word essay on what I’ve learned from starting up the orange peel challenge.” Recommended videos appeared onscreen. Kokichi pointed to them. “Click the video on top to learn if Keebo has a dick or not and the bottom one for 10 ways to ruin your roommates’ lives and get away with it. Don’t forget to smash those like and subscribe buttons!”

A voice in the background muttered, “Treat me like dogshit, I’ll show you…!” Miu pulled out a bazooka with a chamber as big as her head. Pointed it at Kokichi. “Get the fuck outta my lab!!”

Kokichi screamed.

The video ended. Everything went quiet in the office.

Headmaster Kirigiri laid his head in his hands.


	6. Flamingo Bomb (Most of the Cast, Gen)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I held onto this finished bootcamp chapter a while instead of posting it because it's a chatfic, something I swore I'd never do but oh well. This week's prompt was flamingoes. Inspired by everyone in the server playing too much Among Us. You don't need to be familiar with the game to enjoy this fic. Features Miu being herself. Enjoy!

Kokichi: Man, Among Us is so dope.

Kaito: Kokichi, that is a drug reference and that is against this server’s rules!

Kokichi: What are you Taka? Well here’s some news. COVID has shut down Hope’s Peaks in-person classes. We don’t need a hall monitor – we can’t even leave our dorms!

Miu: I know and it’s so fuckin boring! How else are virgins supposed to stay healthy when we’re all cooped up inside?

Shuichi: W-well they say certain websites are getting more traffic…

Himiko: Nyeh, what websites?

Miu: Yeah but that ain’t nuthin’ compared to landing a big boobie like me irl!

Kaede: Guys! Please refrain from such language and content.

Shuichi: Let’s just play another game of Among Us, okay?

Angie: Oh wait, wait, wait! Don’t hit play yet. Atua adores the little flamingo hats they have! Atua decrees that everyone else should wear the little flamingo hats.

Maki: Why? This is stupid. Let’s just play so I can snap Kokichi’s neck.

Himiko: Yeah, I like the flamingo hat. They’re funny.

Rantaro: How does mine look? The pink matches my green astronaut well.

Kaede: Well they _are_ kinda cute… Shuichi, you wear one too!

Kokichi: Yeah, come on, simp boy! Do it!

Shuichi: Okay fine, I’ll wear it–

Shuichi: Wait what?! I’m not a simp!!

Miu: Well what the fuck. Why not? The flamingo hat looks like an inner tube. And we all know what rhymes with tube…

Keebo: Cube?

Kaito: Boob?

Kaede: KAITO

Maki: Why am I dating this idiot again?

Miu: Hyuckyuckyuck, that wasn’t it but that’s works too.

Angie: Oh yay! We have so many people wearing flamingo hats now!

Miu: Here, I’ll give you a hint as to the word I was thinking of. Move back to discord and check out my profile picture.

Rantaro: Is that… two flamingos getting it on?

Himiko: Gross.

Kaede: Miu, so help me I will kick you from the game and discord.

Angie: What a beautiful image of the circle of life! Didn’t you know that the flamingo is Atua’s favorite creature? I too shall change my profile picture to a majestic flamingo.

Himiko: If Angie’s doing it, I guess I have to too. What a pain…

Maki: What is wrong with you guys? Flamingos are just some dumb pink bird.

Kaito: Well you do know of any other pink bird? That’s pretty cool.

Keebo: Interestingly enough, adult flamingos can be as tall as 4.6 feet tall but still only weigh 9 pounds at maximum.

Kaede: To be honest, flamingos only remind me of grandmothers who have them as lawn gnomes…

Shuichi: Same actually.

Miu: See, what did Kokichi say? You’re a simp.

Shuichi: Just because I agreed with Kaede?!

Keebo: I have been meaning to ask, but would someone mind explaining to me what a “simp” is?

Kokichi: DUDE

Rantaro: Oh boy, here we go.

Kokichi: I JUST HAD THE BEST IDEA

Maki: Don’t. Even. Say–

Kokichi: Why don’t we flamingo bomb Headmaster Kirigiri yard? Can you imagine Kirigiri looking outside his window and seeing a thousand flamingos looking back at him? Ahahaha!!

Kaito: That actually would be really funny.

Miu: I’m game. That rich fuckboy been’s keeping us locked up in our dorms. Time he tasted some of his own medicine.

Rantaro: Sounds fun.

Angie: Divine justice from Atua!

Kaede: No, guys, don’t!

Rantaro: If nothing else, it’ll make a good memory. Like, “Hey do you remember the one time we flamingo bombed the principal?”

Kokichi: IKR?!? Let’s do it.

Shuichi: Guys, I know you’re bored but it’s not worth getting in trouble for.

Miu: SIMP, SIMP, SIMP.

Kokichi: SIMP, SIMP, SIMP.

Shuichi: Oh come on, that again! Really?!

Keebo: Would someone please tell me what a simp is? It’s not in my database or in Merriam Webster.

Himiko: Well, you _are_ being a coward and agreeing with Kaede again.

Miu: So prove you got a pair and stick some flamingo poles deep in Kirigiri’s yard.

Kokichi: Yeah come join us!

Kaito: And what are they gonna do to us? Cancel school? Suspend us and keep us in our dorms?

Shuichi: …All right, I’m in.

Himiko: I’ll summon up an army of flamingos with my magic!

Angie: Nyahaha! All hail the flamingo cult!

Kaede: Wait, where are you even going to get all these flamingos?

Angie: I know there’s a bunch of them in the gym backstage as props for plays!

Kokichi: Great! Meet you there in 10!

_Kokichi left the chat._

Kaito: Got it

_Kaito left the chat._

_Shuichi left the chat._

Kaede: What? No!

Rantaro: I’ll snag a six-pack of cokes for some refreshments.

_Rantaro left the chat._

Miu: Wooo boy! Let’s get this party started! I’m already feeling it hard!

_Miu left the chat._

Kaede: Guys, no! Come back here!

Himiko: Wait, I need a potty break first… can we make it 15 minutes?

Angie: Atua punishes those who whine.

Himiko: Nyeeeh, fine!

_Himiko left the chat._

_Angie left the chat._

Maki: I’ll take pictures of you guys doing this to submit as evidence to Kirigiri.

_Maki left the chat._

Keebo: Fine! I’ll go if it means learning what a simp is!

_Keebo left the chat._

Kaede: Guys, I said no!

Kaede: You’re going to get in so much trouble! He could still make us do hours of community service, you know!

Kaede: Why do you always have to do these stupid stunts all the time?

Kaede: You didn’t even invite me.

Kaede: Wait. Am I the only one here?

Kaede: RRRRRRGGGHHH!

Kaede: Why does no one ever listen to me?! 

Kaede: Ugh, I’m coming along too just so you don’t go crazy and break his windows or something!


	7. Deadly Liar Games (Kokichi Execution)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this for a zine but since I'm not going to be a part of it, I posted it here. Shout out to my friend, Kirastrations, for reading it over for me. Enjoy!

_Game Over_

_Kokichi Oma has been found guilty._

_Time for punishment!_

Kokichi stands atop a roof of a crumbling building. The cityscape is lined with ruined buildings from the Tragedy. Cracks run through the floor beneath Kokichi’s feet, about to fall apart. Sweating, Kokichi looks for an escape. A thin steel beam connects to the roof of another building. Monokuma and the Monokubs wait at the other end, all wearing spiky blond wigs. Monokuma holds up a Yu-gi-oh card. The sharp edge gleams in the light.

Exhaling a laugh, Kokichi shakes his head.

_Deadly Liar Games_

_Ultimate Supreme Leader_

_Kokichi Oma's Execution:_ _Executed._

Jaw clenched, Kokichi steps onto the beam. Fumbles a moment before regaining his balance. Beneath him is nothing but darkness.

Monokuma and the Monokubs hurl Yu-gi-oh cards at Kokichi, slicing open his cheek. Arms. Legs. Side. Wincing, Kokichi continues forward despite the volley of cards. Blood pools onto the beam. Kokichi’s foot slides on the blood. He falls.

Beneath Kokichi are large hollow dice. Kokichi falls into the red dot of a die’s “One” side. A mechanical lid closes, trapping Kokichi in darkness. A giant Monokuma arises and violently shakes the dice. Inside Kokichi is jarred around, slamming into the walls.

The die is set down and a side opens. Trembling, Kokichi drags his body out of a die and onto a large chessboard. Blood cakes his head. His uniform is in tatters. Before him are two doors with two Monokumas dressed as jesters. One Monokuma holds up a sign that reads, “This is the correct door to DICE! Or am I lying?” The other Monokuma carries an identical sign. A clock ticks down.

Grimacing, Kokichi tries to get on all fours but collapses. Vision blurring, he holds out a shaky hand.

The clock buzzes.

A giant chess king piece falls from the sky. Crushes Kokichi. Blood splatters everywhere.

The king’s crown cracks. Breaks. The entire king chess piece crumbles into bloody rubble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I also want to thank everyone for reading and supporting this. This is just a collection of random tidbits but so many people are enjoying it and it's just so cool to see that. Thank you!


	8. Tentacles vs. Straitjackets (Himiko & Miu & Kokichi)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short fic featuring an unlikely trio, with another fic of an unlikely trio to follow shortly afterwards! Enjoy!

Yawning, Himiko sat at a table in her research lab, shuffling a deck of cards. Various magic props surrounded her. A guillotine and circular saw in the candle chandelier light. Piranhas swam in water tanks. Doves cooed in their cage. Rubbing an eye, Himiko tried to shuffle the deck one handed, but all the cards fell to the floor. “Nyeeeh… Such a pain.” Exhaling, Himiko laid her head on her arms against the table. Glanced at her phone beside her. 12:13 am. _Wasn’t I supposed to go somewhere?_ Himiko closed her eyes. _Oh well. Must not have been important if I forgot._

The door burst open. “Hey, witch bitch!”

Himiko cracked open an eye. Miu was standing over her, arms crossed. “You’re late for the school-wide assembly! They sent me to find you; the fuck’s with that?” Miu ran a hand through her blond tresses. “Makin’ me waste my time to serve your ass. Hey, roleplaying a servant might not be so bad…” Face flushed, Miu hugged herself. “Oh, master… beat me harder!”

Groaning, Himiko screwed her eyes shut. _Ugh, Miu. If only I had enough MP to cast a banishment spell…_

Miu grabbed a handful of cards off the floor. “Doing magic, huh? Why? It ain’t gonna land you guys. All magic is good for is for pickup lines. Ya know, like, ‘I’ll let you feel up my wand’.”

Glaring, Himiko gripped her arms. “Cut it out! Magic is for putting smiles on children’s faces. Creating awe-inspiring illusions that’ll leave any anti-mage like you quaking in their boots!”

“Keh!” Miu tossed the cards aside. “Anything your cheap charlatan tricks can do, technology can do better.”

Himiko rose to her feet. “No, it can’t!”

“Yes, it can, ironing board!”

“No, it can’t and I’ll prove it!”

“How?”

Grinning, Himiko set her hands on her hips. “Nii hee hee. I’ll show you. I have a proposal…”

* * *

Himiko explained, “…so then Miu and I agreed to hold a technology and magic show and perform three spells. Whoever performs the best across all three rounds wins the argument!”

Kokichi cried, “That’s stupid! And why am I the judge? As supreme leader I have more important things to do with my time. Like deciding if I should eat truffles or cheesecake.”

Miu thrust a finger. “Duh doy! Because if even a sick fucker like you is entertained, then it’ll entertain everyone! You’ll see. My inventions will make your balls pop out! Your eyes, I mean. So sit back and mentally prepare yourself.”

The three ultimates stood in the Hope’s Peak gymnasium. A large mural of a bonsai tree overlooked the stage. Basketball hoops and bleachers flanked them. Their voices echoed in the large, empty space. Himiko and Miu had set up two tables before Kokichi as makeshift stages.

Exhaling, Kokichi sat back in his foldout chair. “Welp, a competition between you two shouldn’t be too boring.” Kokichi made a shooing motion with his hand. “Go ahead. You have my permission.”

“Ooh, me first, me first!” declared Himiko. Her table was circular and covered with a black cloth dotted with runes, reminiscent of a fortune teller. Himiko rounded the table, her boots squeaking on the waxed floor. She held up a card with her hand. “The first round is disappearance spells. Now you see it…” Himiko waved her hand. The card vanished. “Now you don’t!”

Kokichi slowly clapped. He deadpanned, “I am struck dumb at the raw skill and effort you just displayed.”

Himiko stamped her foot. “Only a Level 4 Archmage could pull off such a feat!” She rolled up the sleeve of her right arm. “See, nothing up my sleeve.”

Miu hooted, “Hell yeah! Stripping _would_ be a show!”

“Nyeh!”

Miu plopped a stack of magazines on her stand. Her silver rectangular table resembled a medical examination table. “Having trouble hidin’ your R-23 isekai catgirl porn?”

Kokichi held his face in a hand. “Oh god.”

“Well look no further!” Miu dropped a pellet, causing white gas to plume. Once the fog dispersed, the magazines had disappeared. “Just do some crack and it’ll disappear! Hyah-haha! Nah, I was just jerking ya nuts. I call this baby the ‘Sheer Curtain’. Surrounding the magazines are four frameless mirrors. These high-tech mirrors are capable of taking a picture of whatever they’re reflectin’ and displayin’ it. These babies took a snapshot of the table when it was empty and now are showing that picture. So while it looks like your porn is gone, they’re still here! It’s just like looping the security footage to cover ya sneaking into your school’s shed to get it on.”

Himiko oohed. “That’s amazing invisibility magic…”

Kokichi splayed his hands. “Why would you reveal the trick?!”

Laughing, Miu pounded the table. “With this baby, you could fuck in a subway and no one would be the wiser! Hey, wanna go a round, fuckers? It might be a lil tight for a threeway though.” Drooling, Miu clasped her hands. “But only when it’s tight can you feel–”

“Ignoring the whore piglet…!” Kokichi began, voice raised. “Himiko, what’s the second round?”

“Mentalism. With technology, everything is coded to act a certain way, but with my magic…” Himiko offered Kokichi her phone. “I can make technology bend to my will. Kokichi, I need you to–”

Kokichi snatched the phone, struck a cute pose, and took a selfie.

“Stop playing around! I made a playlist with 2,000 songs on it. Put on these headphones, pick a song you know, and then play it.” Kokichi complied. “You may be a liar, Kokichi. But no matter what you say…” Elbows on the table, Himiko rested her chin on her interlaced fingers. She smirked. “My mind reading magic will know the truth. So answer however you like. You chose a song that’s a bit old but still from this 21st century.”

“Bzzt! Wrong.”

“It’s a popular dance song. Used at parties.”

“Nope!”

“Is it Caramelldansen?”

Kokichi held up the phone, showing she was correct.

Miu cried, “Why the fuck is that on your phone?! That meme is as stale as the sugar daddy who messaged me on Facebook last week!”

“Hey, Himiko, I have a question. You can answer however you like.” Kokichi pointed to Himiko’s left arm. “Does your Apple Watch show what music your phone is playing?”

Flushing, Himiko pulled down her sleeve. “Wh-wh-what? This is just a watch. Yeah, that’s it. Uh huh.”

Miu balled her fists. “So that’s why you only rolled up the sleeve of one arm earlier! Keh! Well, unlike you, I’m not a conman.” Miu wheeled over a bar cart. The cart carried a monitor and a helmet covered in wires and flashing lights. “This invention I call Mind Fuckery took me the longest to make. I’ve been sweatin’ my tits off working on it.” Miu slammed the helmet on Kokichi’s head. “This reads the electrical impulses firing in your brain – your thoughts – and displays them on this monitor. Now, look deeply into my eyes.” Kokichi and Miu stared at each other. Onscreen Miu lay underneath some bedsheets stark naked. “I know you’re horny for me–”

Kokichi threw the helmet into the screen. “That’s the last thing on my mind!!!”

“Heeeee!”

Exhaling, Kokichi pinched his nose. “Himiko, what’s your next trick?”

“It’s magic, not tricks!” Himiko held up a straitjacket and a curtain in her hands. “Non-magic humans know it as escapology but it’s really Extreme Space Magic – Teleportation. That occurs behind this curtain–”

“Next!” bellowed Kokichi.

“Hey! At least let me cast my spell!”

“This invention of yours better be worth it, piglet!”

Grumbling, Miu rummaged through a box under her stand. “Well fuck me. Whose brilliant idea was it for him to be judge?” She smashed a black rectangular device on the table. It resembled a black flower pot. “Well, get an eyeful of this! This is the Octo-Sextickle. You just sit on it like this and…” Miu stood on the table and sat down on the device. Machinery humming, slimy tentacles grew out of the bot and ensnared Miu. “Oh yeah, nice and tight. Just how I like it. This baby is packed with warming and vibrating features.”

Himiko tapped a finger to her lips. “So are you gonna escape or…?”

Closing her eyes, Miu dipped her head back. “Ohhhh… Ohhhh!!”

Kokichi cried, “It’s not for escaping!”

“Nyeh, I don’t think she’ll stop playing with it so…” Eyes sparking, Himiko turned to Kokichi. “So, so, so, you recognize my powers as a mage now, right? My arcane arts beat Miu’s vulgar inventions!”

“Oh yeah, the contest!” Prying the tentacles off, Miu jumped down to the gym floor. Hands on her hips, she brayed, “My inventions will give you more, heh, mileage than the donkey lips’ cons!”

“I told you magic isn’t about sex!”

“Girl, everything is about sex.”

“No, it’s not!”

“Yes, it is!”

“No, it’s not–”

“Enough!” shouted Kokichi. The girls flinched. Fell silent. The gym’s metal archways above their heads creaked. In the distance they could hear the bustle of students outside. Huffing, Kokichi crossed his arms. “You both lost.”

“But if Kokichi is lying…” Himiko raised her arms in the air. “Then we won, yay!”

“I’m not lying!” Kokichi jabbed a finger at the inventor. “Miu, your show would only entertain and serve yourself, not others.”

“What’s the problem with that, fuckwad?”

“And Himiko! All your tricks were boring clichés that didn’t require an ounce of effort.”

Himiko dipped her head. “Nyeeeh… it’s magic not tricks.”

Biting her lip, Miu played with a strand of her hair. “Well, it is true that the fate of the world relies on my inventions being useful. And not everyone has the same kinks as me. I gotta be more inclusive.”

Kokichi facepalmed. “You’re missing the point!”

Humming, Himiko held her chin. “My master studied ancient magic. Held newer magics that used technology in contempt. But if I want to be recognized as the Ultimate Mage and not Ultimate Magician, I hafta master all branches of magic. Miu’s bewitched mirrors could be used in illusion magic. Or ooh! Teleportation!”

Miu scratched her head with a wrench. “I bet I could incorporate your straitjacket in the Octo-Sextickle somehow…”

Eyes wide, Kokichi gasped. “What if you two combined your tricks and put on a show? Just kidding! That’ll never happen.” Arms behind his head, Kokichi turned to the exit. “Welp, I’m off to tell everyone just what a horrible dumpster fire of a show that was! Man, everyone will be soooo disappointed in you–”

“W-wait!” Himiko cried. Fists balled and held by her chest, she declared, “Miu and I will put on a show that’ll blow your pants off!”

“No, just blow him period!”

Kokichi spun around and grinned. “Oh? What’s this? A show in which the Ultimates Magician and Inventor are working together? Sounds interesting! I want in on the fun! What other ideas did you guys have?”

Huffing, Miu crossed her arms. “Why do you care? Don’t act all chummy with me just so you can release some cummy.”

Himiko piped up, “Yeah, what she said – No, actually not.”

“Aww, but I _do_ care about you guys! As supreme leader, I gotta make plebs like you useful to me. Nee-heehee.”

“Nyeh! Well, it doesn’t matter! My magic will bring you to your knees.” Miu opened her mouth, but Himiko glared. “Not like that. My tome of spell incantations is in my lab.” Miu and Kokichi followed Himiko as she headed towards the gym’s exit. “I was thinking about doing some fire magic…”

Miu murmured, “Oh, prokinetics would be pretty rad.”

Kokichi suggested, “What if you could build a machine that could…?”

Laughing and chatting, they left the gym, brainstorming for their next show.


	9. Hiyoko, A Lady?! As if! (Hiyoko & Taka & Kirumi)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another fic featuring an unlikely trio! I hope you enjoy! ^^

Humming a tune, Hiyoko strolled down a hallway in Hope’s Peak. White marble archways framed the hallway. Wood paneled doors and sconces lined the walls. Outside the windows trees swayed in the breeze. The droning of teachers drifted through the classroom doors. Hiyoko laughed. _Who needs boring lectures anyway? Maybe I’ll go mess with that hood wannabe gangster Mondo. Or no, maybe Akane. Or Gonta! Options, options…_

“Stop right there!” a voice cried from behind her.

Hiyoko drew to a halt, her sandals squeaking on the red linoleum floor. Taka was approaching her. Jaw clenched, shoulders stiff, fists balled – his body was as tightly wound as a bowstring. Hiyoko smirked. _One day he’s gonna have a stroke and I’m gonna laugh so hard._

Taka thrust a finger. “You’ve gone too far this time, Hiyoko! I heard you tried to get Hifumi to throw out Aoi’s birthday donuts!”

Hiyoko snorted behind a hand. “I did her a favor! An athlete like her pigging out on desserts? Her head must be as hallow as a donut!”

“You gagged loudly during Junko’s and Sayaka’s fashion show that was being broadcasted on live TV!”

“Who cares about models? What’s one balloon boobed bimbo over another?”

“And you dumped all of K1-B0’s oil into the school pool!”

“What? The robo-toy said he doesn’t drink oil so he didn’t need it.” Biting her lip, Hiyoko sniffed. Tears welled in her eyes. “Aren’t you, like, on the morals committee? Then why are you being so heartlessly depraved and bullying me? I was just trying to get along with everyone…! Waaaaaaaaahhhhh!”

Taka crossed his arms. “My conscience would never allow me to shed fake tears like you.”

Hiyoko tsked. “Man, all you do is bitch. Hey, maybe that’s actually your talent! Ultimate Bitch! Kyahaha! But what are you gonna do about it? Have me put in detention? Maybe then I can bully Kazuichi more…”

Frowning, Taka looked down at Hiyoko and shook his head. “I brought your unbecoming behavior to your attention, hoping you’d see the errors of your ways. But I see that is not enough. Stand straight and listen well! As a member of the moral committee TK, I will write a letter of your misdeeds to the disciplinary board for review. If they find your actions disruptive to the school environment… they could expel you. I will reconsider writing the letter, if you perform one thing for me.”

Hiyoko ground her teeth. _If I get expelled, Grandma will be furious…_ Sniffing, Hiyoko glared at Taka with red-rimmed eyes. “I-I can’t believe it… I’m being blackmailed!”

Pale as a sheet, Taka gasped. “B-b-blackmailed…? What a heinous act…!” Taka clutched his head, tears and snot running down his face. “I was wrong!!! I shall write a 3,000 word reflection essay on my actions! Uuwaahhhh…!”

Hiyoko scoffed. _Man, I hate hypocrites like you more than anything. Reminds me of Grandma._

Her grandmother’s words replayed in Hiyoko’s mind. “Saionji women must be kind, upstanding ladies, on and off stage.”

 _Says the evil hag who ripped me away from Dad. Ever since she stole me away to continue the Saionji line of being traditional dancers, I barely see him anymore…_ Hiyoko swallowed hard. _Grandma will never stop hating Dad so I just gotta accept never seeing him again. There’s nothing I can do._

Taka sucked in a shaky breath. “I-I-I can’t believe I made such a horrible oversight… Uuuaahh…”

“Rrgh, shut up already and tell me what you want, you bitchlet square!”

Frowning, Taka straightened. Cleared his throat. “R-right. Very well. I believe correcting your poor attitude is beyond even my abilities.” After wiping his eyes, Taka gazed evenly at Hiyoko. “But I know just the person who can help.”

* * *

In the cafeteria, Taka sat down across from Kirumi. Fingers interlaced, Taka leaned forward. “I need you to help Hiyoko become more lady-like.”

Kirumi tilted her head. “Hiyoko? Be more lady-like? I’ve taken on some difficult requests, such as talking down quarreling politicians to prevent World War III, but this one may be one of the most difficult.”

Growing, Hiyoko flung down her fists. “What?! Why do I gotta learn how to be a slave? Kirumi, you’re already everyone’s slave. Go dump Taka in the garbage like the trash he is.”

Teeth clenched, Taka cried, “I’m not smelly trash! I scrub my scalp until it bleeds every time I shower!”

Sighing, Kirumi dipped her head in a nod. “If assisting Hiyoko means bringing out her inner potential, then I shall be happy to fulfill this request.”

Taka saluted. “You are a paradigm of virtue. I leave this in your capable hands.”

Hands on the table, Kirumi rose. “Then we shall start immediately. There is much for you to learn, Hiyoko. Poise, etiquette, self-discipline, various essential skills like cleaning…”

Hiyoko groaned. _I went from Ultimate Bitch to Ultimate Stick-Up-Her-Ass. Great, just great._

* * *

Kirumi added another book to the tower of novels on her head. The maid explained to Hiyoko, “A lady must have excellent posture. To achieve thus, poise and balance is crucial. I can balance five on my head, but you will start with only one book.”

After rolling her eyes, Hiyoko looked around the dorm. A kitchenette stood by the back wall while couches and a table comprised the living room. Four bedroom doors, two on each side, flanked the living room. Tenko’s temple wall scrolls and Angie’s paintings hung on the walls. Kirumi’s roommates, Tenko, Angie, and Miu, were out eating at the cafeteria.

Hiyoko snatched a book off the table and placed it on her head. She wobbled. “This is too heavyyy.”

Kirumi spoke, “It may be heavy but with practice–”

Hiyoko began ripping out pages from the book. “There, now it’s lighter!”

Kirumi gasped. “Please stop at once! Those are classified government documents!”

“Then why the hell are they in your room?!”

* * *

Sipping tea, Kirumi sat on the couch across from Hiyoko in the maid’s dorm. “If a dignitary entered the room you were in, how would you greet him?”

Hiyoko scraped out the dirt from beneath her fingernails. “I’d point out he’s wearing a toupee.”

Frowning, Kirumi set down her teacup. “No. It is customary to bow. Do not speak until he acknowledges you–”

“Then I’d rip the toupee off and cram it down his throat!”

Kirumi sighed.

* * *

Kirumi gathered her skirts and bent her knees in a curtsey. “While you can bow, I have found curtseying to be–”

Hiyoko asked, “Hey, didja ever fart while curtseying?”

“I would never break wind–”

“Have you ever spiked the food you cooked for a master you really hated? That’s what I would do.”

Kirumi straightened. Her eye twitched. “Again, I would never.”

“Like something that’ll give them bad indigestion. Ooh, explosive diarrhea! Oh, but then would you have to be the one to clean it up? That would suck. Or hey, have you ever…?”

Kirumi closed her eyes. Her head pounded.

* * *

As the culmination of Hiyoko’s education over the past week, Hiyoko, Kirumi, and Taka were partaking in a traditional Japanese tea ceremony. Japanese tea ceremonies were highly ritualized down to the minute detail, such as which side of a teacup faced the other guests. They sat around a low table. Tatami mats covered the floor. An alcove had a hanging wall scroll and a bonzai tree. The smell of green tea wafted through the room.

Kirumi sipped some tea. “Hiyoko has made some progress but her attitude… still needs improvement.”

Taka nodded. “Well, so long as Hiyoko makes an effort–”

Hiyoko slammed her teacup down. “Why do I have to be a slave like Kirumi? If the goth maid chick wants to be a slave, that’s fine, but don’t force me!”

Kirumi pressed her lips together. “I am a maid, not a slave. In the future, please refer to me as such; I dislike being called a slave as much as being called ‘Mom’.”

Taka’s eyes widened. “Wh–? You do?! Oh my gosh, I am so sorry.” Taka bowed deeply, his head smashing into onto a cup saucer. Blood pooled from his head. “I-I’m okay.”

Closing her eyes, Kirumi laid her hands in her lap. “It is true I serve others and will complete any request made of me but…” She gazed evenly at Hiyoko. “What I enjoy the most is bringing out an individual’s inner potential. Helping novelists write faster, businessmen’s operations grow, politicians’ campaigns become more successful… Nothing makes me happier.”

Hiyoko raised a brow. _Huh. So Kirumi isn’t just a slave mindlessly fulfilling requests. She helps people improve their talents._ “Improving yourself, huh…?” Hiyoko gazed down at her hands. During her lessons, she had pricked them and burned them while sewing and cooking. “I’m clumsy at everything I do other than dancing. I can’t even tie my kimono sash. And because I can’t take care of myself…” She balled her fists. “I have to rely on my stupid grandma!”

Taka held up a finger. “That’s why being a lady or gentleman is important! Good manners and learning essential life skills will make you self-sufficient–”

“Oh, shove it! I hate hypocritical goody-goodies who lie about how great of a person they are like you do, Taka. I know you look down on everyone else.”

“I most definitely do not look down on everyone else! I am too short; I must raise my head to look at Rantaro or Gonta. But like Kirumi, I also try to build people up! And after hearing your struggles with your grandmother, I believe I can relate to you.” Taka gazed at his reflection in his teacup. “My grandfather was the prime minister of Japan. He was a genius, but because he never learned the importance of effort, he fell into scandal and corruption and died friendless.” Taka pounded his fists on the table. “That’s why I put 150% of myself into everything I do! A normal person can be more successful than a genius if they work hard at improving themselves!”

Hiyoko murmured, “So that’s why you’re always so obnoxious… You’re actually trying to improve your miserable, square existence. Good luck with that, I guess. Maybe one day you can be a trapezoid.”

“I am not a square nor any other shape!” Taka’s eyes bore into Hiyoko. “And you, too, can learn how to stand on your own two feet and not rely on your grandmother. Live on your own; decide your own life. But only if you work harder than anyone else.”

Lips parted, Hiyoko stared. _I could… grow to live without Grandma? Maybe then I could be with Dad again…_ Hiyoko bowed her head, bangs covering her eyes.

Kirumi and Taka exchanged glances. Chuckling, Kirumi picked up her tea cup. “Well, this has been a lively and illuminating conversation. But we must not neglect learning the proper etiquette of the tea ceremony. Hiyoko, you must pick up the tea cup with your right hand, not your left, and then hold it in your left hand. Then you rotate it clockwise 90 degrees…”

Low in her throat, Hiyoko murmured, “I’m gonna become self-sufficient and learn things like sewing and cooking. Show my grandma who’s boss. But if you’re still gonna force me to be a lady…” Rising on her knees, Hiyoko slammed the tables with her hands. The kettle fell over, spilling tea everywhere. “Choke on your own vomit and die!” She ran out the room. “I’m gonna go cut Mikan’s hair!”

Gasping, Kirumi wiped at the spilled tea with a napkin. She held out a hand to Hiyoko. “Wait! Can you not find it in your heart to be nicer to your classmates?”

Taka launched to his feet. Bolted after her. “Stop right there! I _will_ report you! Hiyoko? Hiyoko!”

Laughing, Hiyoko ran down the hallway with Taka hot on her heels.


End file.
